Local Ministers a Blessing to Gay Couples

By Emily McQuillan

Across from the Manchester basketball courts lies the Campus Religious Center. Housing several campus ministries it is also home to New Covenant Community a Progressive Christian church. Since 1997 the Revs. Bob and Susan Ryder have served the congregation and the campus group U.C.C.F. Part of their ministry is advocacy for the GLBT community. The Revs. Ryder were awarded the Advocate of the Year in the spring of 2001 from PRIDE for their outstanding work in the community. Bob and Susan go beyond advocacy, however, they put into action the things they believe in, including presiding over same-sex union services. Over the summer these services were the subject of an e-mail discussion courtesy of Rev. Susan Ryder with input from her husband. An edited version follows:

Q: When did the two of you begin to do same-sex union services and what should we call them?

A: We were both ordained in 1989 by the Presbyterian Church (USA). We served churches in Sioux City, Iowa before coming to Normal .We have always been willing to performing same-gender weddings, however the opportunity to do one did not present itself until we moved here and a lesbian couple in our congregation asked us to perform their wedding in October, 1999. Prior to that, I had provided pre-marital counseling for a lesbian couple in Iowa, who were to be wed in another state by a clergy friend of ours. (We tend to call them same-gender weddings or holy unions—it’s really up to what the couple prefers.)

Q: What reasons led you to this ministry for gay couples?

A: Our interpretation of Jesus is that he offered an inclusive ministry of love and compassion and in particular was sensitive to those whom the church leaders of his time considered outcast and/or sinful. To that end, we feel that the Church has long been guilty of ostracizing and marginalizing a large segment of the human family—namely, our GLBT brothers and sisters.

We feel it is our calling as followers of Jesus’ teachings to share God’s love and acceptance with all humanity, and in particular to share his ministry of compassion and justice with GLBT persons who have been judged, condemned, and forsaken by his Church. Furthermore, we do not believe that homosexuality is sinful, nor do we believe that God’s blessings are limited to relationships between persons of opposite genders.

Q: How does your denomination treat this issue and what does the future hold?

A: Though we are ordained Presbyterian Church clergy, our congregation, New Covenant Community, is a tri-union church affiliated with the Presbyterian Church (USA), the Christian Church (Disciples), and the United Church of Christ. As such, Bob and I have recognized ordained standing with the Disciples and UCC, and are connected to all three denominations. These denominations differ as to their stands on this issue.

Currently in the Presbyterian Church (USA), ministers are not to conduct same-gender weddings if we believe them to be of the same status as a marriage between a man and a woman. Churches who do not agree with this stand of the PCUSA become “More Light” Presbyterian Churches, which means they disagree with (and sometimes don’t follow) the church’s position.

In the United Church of Christ and Disciples denominations, congregations are free to determine their own policies for ordaining and/or marrying same-gender couples. Congregations which are open to GLBT persons and will conduct same-gender weddings are called “Open and Affirming” congregations. New Covenant Community is both a “More Light” and “Open and Affirming” congregation since we are affiliated with all three denominations.

The Presbyterian Church (USA) is slowly changing its stance on the GLBT issue over time. Twenty-three years ago the church voted not to allow “self-affirmed, unrepentant, practicing” homosexuals to be ordained. But each year since that time, we have come closer to overturning the ruling.

At the last General Assembly of the church in June, 2001, the commissioners voted to overturn that prohibition, and presbyteries around the country will be voting on whether or not to adopt the this new policy.

As for same-gender weddings, total prohibitions against ministers blessing holy unions have been uniformly rejected by the PCUSA, and current language, as stated above, is that we are not to perform them if we believe them to be the same as Christian marriage.

It’s a confusing position within the Presbyterian Church, but we believe in the near future all language opposing both homosexual ordination and marriages will be totally removed.

Q: How do others treat you for providing this ministry?

A: Obviously some Christians feel that what we are doing is wrong, and is against church law and God’s law. They are vocal in their opposition and make their position clear. Other Christians are supportive of what we do, and feel that it will help bring society to the point of making marriages between same-gender couples legal. But most importantly, our doing the services brings spiritual and emotional healing to GLBT Christians as they discover that there are Christian ministers who do not view them as sinful, and are willing and eager to bless their unions before God.

By our ministry, and the ministry of hundreds of other clergy, GLBT Christians are being told in no uncertain terms that they ARE welcome in Christ’s church, that they are loved for who they are, and that they are not condemned by us or God. So for these and other reasons, our ministry with GLBT persons is supported and appreciated by many Christians. We should say that marriage between any two people is private, and we don’t advertise any of the weddings we do. Nor do we hide the fact that we are willing to perform same-gender weddings. But the bottom line is that we feel called to provide this ministry to our GLBT brothers and sisters, and are willing to take any heat that comes from it because this is an issue of compassion and justice, and is central to our understanding of the Gospel (good news) of Jesus Christ.

Our congregation, New Covenant Community, is totally supportive of our performing of same-gender weddings. So we are supported by them in our ministry.

Q: What are the steps a couple needs to go through to be united by the two of you?

A: This is an easy question to answer. A couple who wishes to be married by either of us needs to go through the same process whether they are a same-gender couple or not. Basic issues between two people who love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together are the same, whether or not they are of different genders. Thus, all couples who come to us go through 3-5 sessions of pre-marital counseling. We also give all couples a personality inventory, so that they can learn more about each other and the ways they differ, as well as do basic wedding planning.

In short, whether a couple is heterosexual or homosexual, the process for pre-marital counseling is the same.